What Makes People Happy?

Whenever I consider this question personally, what makes me happy (and I have been considering this question a LOT lately), I almost immediately feel like I’m drowning.  The question, for me, brings a deep and crushing sense of hopelessness.  I think- I will never have what makes me happy.  I don’t even KNOW what makes me happy.  People are constantly telling me one of two things. 

            a. You have nothing to be UNhappy about, or

            b. Nobody said you were supposed to be happy.

Obviously contradictory statements, but to be fair, they usually don’t both come from the same person.

I don’t belong to either camp.  I would argue that by definition, I do have things to be unhappy about.  My “happenings” have not been good over the past couple of years.  While it is certainly true that many others have it worse and some have it much, much, unimaginably worse, that fact does not actually cancel out my unhappy happenings.  Still, one can be happy in the midst of horrible situations and unhappy in the best situation imaginable.  So situation does not necessarily bring happiness/unhappiness.  While it is a commonly held belief that “we were never promised happiness”, I would argue with that point both in a religious sense (while Jesus said there would be hardships, He also left us with Joy- the sort of happiness I’m talking about is not situational), and in a secular sense (if life were all misery and there was no expectation of happiness we would have committed suicide as a species as soon as we developed a capacity for unhappiness.)

I believe that “happiness” is there for the taking, that one can live a life of at least relative happiness most of the time, and that attitudes like those listed above keep us from seeking out that happiness because we feel like we don’t deserve it.  That is, not because it doesn’t exist.

Before I go too far down the self-help, take charge of your life road, let me be very honest and lay all my cards out.  I have had a problem with clinical depression since I was seven or eight years old.  It has encompassed a huge part of my life.  I have been suicidal on many occasions.  I also come from what, by world standards, would be considered a very privileged background.  My family, although poor for Americans when I was very young, would be classified middle to upper middle class for much of my childhood.  I had a stay-at-home mother, no daycare, no babysitters, no abandonment issues.  I went to college fully on scholarship.  I married by choice and of my choosing.  All of this is to say that there is likely a physical basis for much of my personal unhappiness.  I have had many traumatic experiences and recently, a seemingly unending streak of bad luck, but I believe that I am often down because my brain chemistry is wrong.

So, now that I have discredited myself, allow me to continue.  I still believe that there is a best, most rewarding, and happiest way to approach life.  I decided tonight to approach this question as I do many others.  I googled it.

A search for “I am happy in life”, to determine what other people claim makes them happy brings the following results:

Kelly McCaleb; http://kellymccaleb.typepad.com/, who has a blog called “my happy little life” cites the sources of her happiness (and to have the urge to call her blog “my happy little life” as opposed to “life sucks” indicates to me that she’s probably pretty happy) as stemming from, among other things

-Her faith (she is a Mormon.  I am a Baptist.  They say Baptists are racist woman-hating bigots.  Since I’ve found that to be completely true of myself *insert eye roll*, I’m not going to pretend I actually know anything about Mormonism.)

-Her family (She has an adorable little girl, and from what I can gather stays home with her.)

-Crafting (apparently, she crafts like it’s a job, sells some stuff.  I can’t determine how much she does manage to sell.  Oh, and because some people actually don’t know what is meant by “crafting” I am a “crafter” I like to glue and sew things together and paint them and make them pretty.  I paint and bead and scrap and knit regularly and try out everything else I can afford materials for.  I used to cross stitch, but I left all that at my mom’s house.  Woodworking is crafting.  Sewing is crafting.  My stepdad makes (and sells) leather belts, wallets, etc.  That is crafting.  I personally think cooking is crafting.  I am especially of that viewpoint because I invent everything I cook, I have followed about three recipes in my life.  I have sold some things, but hardly any.  Then again, I’ve never made a real effort toward it, either.)

            -Star Wars (hmmm, that would be my husband’s department…)

Another random search result (Kelly was actually the number 1 result) brought http://www.gracegems.org/SERMONS2/Miller_home.htm “Secrets of a Happy Home” the text of a sermon by J.R. Miller in 1894.  He discusses, obviously, a happy home.  The requirements listed for a happy home include

            -Christ (naturally)

            -Wise choosing and prayer over a marriage partner

            -Love between spouses

            -“Goodness” (he refers to the character of both parties and later children)

Gayla Trail http://www.makinghappy.com/archived/001200.php  is apparently made happy through

            -Photography

-Gardening (did you hear me sigh over the loss of my mom’s yard to dig in when I got married?)

            -Writing (she’s got a gardening book I have seen in print and was to be featured

on a television series.  I don’t know the rest of the story.)

-Making “shit n’ stuff”… (interesting theme here)

-and cursing

And finally, according to Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters (and Nirvana)  http://men.msn.com/articlees.aspx?cp-documentid=5775755, who according to Esquire also “loves four-letter words”, the secrets of happiness lie in

-Doing what you love (basically, whether or not anybody is there to pat you on the back and without quitting)

            -Family

            -and not partying too hard… (I don’t think I’ll ever be at risk there)

So, my trip into happy land (erm, search results) has actually been highly successful in breaking down my inability to answer the question “What makes me happy”.  What has always made me happy is obviously what makes many other people happy.  I am happiest when I am creating- I love to make things, to paint, to get something looking “right” whatever it may be.  Making things grow makes me happy, as well.  I am happy when I am completely focused, when I can be around my family, when I am in the will of God, and when I am at peace with my husband.  Really nearly all of these things have been missing lately.

The ideal way to live would be engulfed in those things, which make you happy.  But how can that be accomplished?

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